An ode to my puppy brain.
Our mind, for all its infinite complexity, can sometimes resemble a sweet little puppy. Or so my therapist says.
Last week, sat in my therapist’s office, I was once again struggling to understand the inner workings of my mind and gain the upper hand. To put me out of my misery, my therapist offered a solution: imagine your mind is like a puppy.
“A puppy?” I asked. “That’s cute. But silly.”
On second thought, it’s really not. I don’t know if that was the desired effect, but her analogy cut through my frustration and triggered a wave of compassion which made me re-evaluate how I think about my mind and how harshly I judge it sometimes.
I know, the brain judging itself. Weird.
What she meant is that I shouldn’t try so hard to apply logic. See, I’d been trapped in a cycle of intrusive thoughts. Not my first rodeo, so I handled it better this time around. Still, I knew I needed some help to break the cycle.
The problem was / is that I try to engage with every thought that comes on, try to see where it comes from, why it’s there, what it means… and on and on it goes. Turns out (I say this as if it’s a huge revelation; it’s really not) not every action needs a reaction. Not every thought needs my attention. Or, at least, not the type of attention I’ve been offering.
In a twisted yet innocent kind of way, my puppy-like mind is probably trying to protect me. Bringing up one worst-case-scenario after another, preparing me for a potentially tragic future.
With every thought, it screams (or, to continue the analogy, barks adorably) at me to get my attention, but maybe all it needs is a treat. A distraction. A hug. A break. Whatever that means for me in any given moment.
At the end of the day, it’s hard to think of my mind as separate from “me”. To watch thoughts come and go, to not engage, to not try to apply logic. Curiosity and introspection are my second nature, an occupational hazard if you will.
How could I give them up?
I’m hoping my puppy brain will eventually grow up and learn to bark more selectively, only when it really matters. I promise to keep giving it treats, and lots and lots and lots of love.